Fears of Shadows Past
by SurferSquid
Summary: A year after the events of "Radiant Dawn and the Pegasus Plot", Princess Radiant Dawn discovers that some hurts cannot heal with time - but there are ways to make things better.


Life was good in Daybreak, and it helped that its princess was the happiest she had ever been. Radiant Dawn and her husband, the former general Ironclad, had been married for a little under a year now. Princess Celestia had officiated at the wedding, and explained to the couple that the magic in the marriage ceremony would cause Ironclad to become immortal as well, so the two would never have to worry about being separated.

After that, life just kept getting better. Ironclad's sister and her family would visit Daybreak often, much to the delight of Tanith, who had taken quite the shine to foals in general. The lamia kept saying she would return to her own race someday, but for now she wanted to be a friend to Radiant Dawn, and make up for all of the grief she had put Daybreak through long ago.

So Daybreak had settled into a happy equilibrium, and Radiant Dawn felt that nothing could ever go wrong again.

"Thanks for letting us sample your new pumpkin donuts, Éclair!" the princess said as she and her husband sat in their favorite donut shop. She took a sip of hot cocoa and magically levitated a napkin to wipe the crumbs off of her muzzle.

"And thank you for taste-testing them!" the earth pony baker said. "I had to make sure they were just right for the fall season!" She took the couple's empty plates. "Anything else for you today?"

"I'm getting pretty full," Ironclad said, patting his stomach with one hoof. "But I could go for a jelly donut. Do you have any left?"

"We can whip you up a fresh batch!" Éclair said. "Long John!" she called as she trotted into the kitchen. "Let's make some new jelly-filled, on the double!"

"I'd like one too, please!" Radiant Dawn said before the pony left. She turned to her pegasus husband and smiled. "This has been such a great date," she said. "Thank you. I hope it's not too much trouble to keep taking me out like this."

"Too much trouble?" Ironclad gave her an incredulous grin and shook his head. "You make it sound like you've been asking me to fly through thunderstorms! I love spending time with you, Ray. I'm the one who should be thanking you."

His wife opened her mouth to reply, but then the bell over the shop door rang, signifying new customers.

"Evening, Your Highnesses!" a unicorn said as she stepped in with an earth pony. "Fancy seeing you here!"

"Good evening," Radiant Dawn said with a friendly wave.

Ironclad waved a hoof at them as well. "I still can't get used to the whole being a prince thing," he said under his breath. "To be honest, 'General Ironclad' sounded a lot tougher. 'Prince Ironclad' makes me sound like a… a pansy."

Radiant Dawn chuckled. "So reinvent the term," she said. "Show Equestria what a mighty warrior prince looks like."

The prince grinned fiercely. "I think I can do that," he said.

"Ooh, what do you want?" the earth pony asked her friend as they perused the offerings on the other side of the glass counter. "I kinda like the ones with rainbow sprinkles!"

"I want something with chocolate!" the unicorn said. She glanced over her shoulder at the royal couple. "Oh wow, can you believe it's been a whole year since Princess Radiant Dawn came back from Pelopponysus?"

"Has it?" the earth pony asked, clearly more interested in the donuts.

"Yeah, I kept track on my calendar," the unicorn said. "I thought they'd do something for the one-year anniversary, but I guess not…"

It was odd, Radiant Dawn thought, how sometimes ponies could talk as though there was nopony else in the room. She and Ironclad shot each other a glance.

"I mean, I think it was a pretty big deal," the unicorn continued. "Considering the princess was imprisoned and almost got her powers taken away by that madmare. We could have never seen her again if Lady Tanith hadn't intervened."

"It does sound pretty scary, now that you mention it," the earth pony said. "I know I'd be super scared if that happened to me. What a horrible thing!"

They didn't get to talk any more about the subject, though, because then Éclair bustled out of the kitchen. "Hello, girls!" she said. "What can I get for you tonight?"

The two ponies proceeded to give Éclair their orders, but Radiant Dawn had stopped listening to them. What they had said about her experiences in Pelopponysus had dredged up old, unpleasant memories, emotions that she had forgotten about in the wake of so much happiness.

"What's wrong?" Ironclad asked her.

"I—they're right, it was pretty horrible," Radiant Dawn said. "To be honest, I don't like being reminded of it. I forgot that it's been an entire year." She swallowed hard, trying to push all of the pain and upset back down. "Is it okay if we take the jelly donuts home?"

"We can leave right now if you need to," Ironclad said, moving to get up.

His wife shook her head. "No, it's okay," she said. "I want you to get your donut first." She offered him a thin smile. "I'll be all right."

He analyzed her face, then settled back in her seat. "If you say so," he said, "but please tell me if there's anything else I can do to help. I know—want to go flying after this?"

"I'm not sure I'm quite up to it," Radiant Dawn said. "I'm sorry. I kind of just want to go home and rest."

Ironclad reached over and smoothed down her mane. "You'll be all right," he said. "I won't ever let anything like that happen to you again."

"Thank you," she said.

She managed to fake it pretty well for the rest of the night. No one could stay very upset for long in the presence of jelly donuts, of course, and when they returned to the castle, the two played their favorite board game and then sat and stargazed before going to sleep.

But the princess's sleep was troubled, and her dreams were full of darkness. She was finding it very difficult to drop off to sleep, because as soon as she would start to lose consciousness, she would suddenly remember the incident with Eclipse, and the terror would wake her up again. She just hoped all her moving around wasn't waking up her husband, as she found it impossible to get comfortable.

She fought the good fight for at least a few hours before finally getting some sleep in—but then the nightmares came. She found herself back in the dungeons of Pelopponysus. Then there was Eclipse, leering cruelly at her. And then Radiant Dawn was faced once again with the machine, powered by evil magic, that would have taken all of her alicorn powers away and given them to someone who would definitely have abused them.

She awoke with a start, in a cold sweat, feeling sick to her stomach. Suddenly the room around her, large as it was, felt too small. Too confining. She was trapped. She needed to see the sky. Needed to get out.

Gasping for breath, she rolled out of bed and stumbled out to the balcony. Clinging to the railing, she tried to distract herself with the sights in front of her. The moon hung high overhead, the Mare in the Moon safely locked away within. Down in Daybreak, very few lights were on in buildings, but the streetlamps gently shone, glittering in the darkness.

"Ray?" Ironclad asked from behind her.

She looked over her shoulder at him, and the look on her face was enough to make him rush to her side and put a wing around her, pulling her close. "What's gotten you so upset?" he asked.

"I can't stop thinking about it, Ironclad." The alicorn let out a sob and pressed her face to his neck. "She was so horrible—she hated me so much. She wanted to hurt me and she nearly succeeded. And she got so many other ponies to want to see me hurt, too—" Radiant Dawn shuddered. "I saw the worst in ponies back then. I had never dreamed anypony could be so cruel."

For a while, Ironclad didn't say anything, just held her tight. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "You have no idea how badly I wish that had never happened to you. That I'd been able to protect you better. I still regret that I couldn't save you on that day, and it's made me vow to myself to get stronger, to be strong enough to protect you no matter what."

"I don't blame you for it," Radiant Dawn said. "What happened was out of your control. It was—out of nearly anypony's control—"

"But not yours," Ironclad said. "You were the one who got us out of it, remember? You befriended Tanith, so she went to get backup and ended up rescuing us. But I'm sorry that fear has stayed with you this long. Believe me, I wish there was some way I could take it away. You never deserved to have that happen to you."

"I don't know if I can get back to sleep," Radiant Dawn said. "I feel terrible."

"I'll stay with you." Her husband rested his chin on her muzzle. "I know I can't do much, but I can at least be here for you now. And I swear I'll never let danger befall you again."

"Thank you," Radiant Dawn said as he put his wings around her. As much as she wanted to believe in him, the truth was, there were just some things out there that were too big for him to handle. That was what worried her. She knew Celestia and Luna had faced some pretty powerful foes in the past, creatures like Tirek and Discord. What if something like them threatened Equestria again?

Radiant Dawn would fight alongside Celestia to defend the kingdom in a heartbeat, but what really scared her was the looks on the faces of creatures who hated her. It caused a sadness and hurt in the depths of her soul that didn't seem to go away easily, and could prove to be agonizing even a year later. The more she thought about it, the tighter she clung to her husband, and the more words of comfort he gave her.

She must have fallen asleep somewhere among all that, because the next thing she knew, she was lying in bed and it was morning, and she had been awoken by a knock at the door.

"Hello there," Tanith said as she slithered into the room, holding a tray of food. "Ironclad told me you've had a terrible night. He sssays not to worry about the day's duties. He'll take care of them all for you."

"Thank you," Radiant Dawn said as she eased herself into a sitting position. "Ugh… I feel awful. Thanks for bringing me breakfast."

"Any time," Tanith said as she set the food on the bedside table. The lamia looked down at her talons, and then over at the princess. "Is… is there anything elssse I can do to help? Ironclad told me what was troubling you… and I'm sssorry."

"I can't think of anything," Radiant Dawn said, "but thank you." She pulled the blanket higher around herself. "I'm just so scared… I feel so… broken… it's not like me at all. I can't function like this."

"I don't know if thisss helpsss any," Tanith said, "but what you went through last year was nothing to sssneeze at. Lesssser ponies would have sssuccumbed to fear or defected to Eclipssse's ssside." She clenched a fist. "But you showed her what you're made of. You handled the sssituation with poise."

Radiant Dawn smiled weakly. "Thanks. Will you keep me company while I eat? I… don't really want to be alone right now." Having somepony else to talk to would definitely help her keep her mind off of her thoughts.

Tanith settled down onto her coils. "Of course," she said. "If I can sssneak a few of these apples." She reached for the tray.

"Go right ahead," Radiant Dawn said with a chuckle.

The rest of that day felt like a total slog. She had to stay in bed because she was just utterly spent, physically and emotionally. Ironclad finished up official business as soon as he could and then devoted the rest of his day to her, trying his hardest to cheer her up. She appreciated his efforts, of course, and it did put her in a bit of a better mood, but this was a deep wound that had been reopened, and it just could not be fixed with amusing anecdotes or favorite foods.

At least sleep came a little better last night, partly because Tanith used her shadow magic to whip up a spell that would put Radiant Dawn in a deep and dreamless slumber. Still, it felt as though the alicorn's subconscious continued to work while she was asleep, because she still woke up exhausted. It didn't help that she only had a split second of peace before the anxiety-inducing memories returned.

Ironclad assured her that he would continue to fulfill her duties for as long as she needed him to, and asked her to make sure to take her time and get all of the rest that she needed. He also assured her that he would keep trying to make her smile until it stuck, which she was grateful for. She honestly didn't know how much good it would do, but it meant a lot to her that he cared so deeply and tried so hard.

"How are you feeling?" Tanith asked when she brought the princess lunch. The lamia had not left Radiant Dawn's side except to get her food. There were castle attendants who could easily bring them meals, but for some reason Tanith had insisted on going off and fetching food by herself. She also stayed away for longer than it should have taken, and Radiant Dawn didn't quite know why.

"Not much better, to be perfectly honest," Radiant Dawn said as she took a bite of her alfalfa sandwich. "Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate everything you and Ironclad are doing for me. I wish I could say it's helping. But I still feel so… icky inside."

Tanith gave her a sympathetic look. "I'd like you to come with me to the gardens," she said, "when you're done with lunch. I think it will help."

"Really?" Radiant Dawn asked. "I'm not sure I'm feeling up for it."

"Trussst me," Tanith said. "Ironclad will be there, too." The look on her face was rather serious.

"All right," Radiant Dawn said. "I don't know what you're up to, but I do know the two of you are my best friends."

She tried to be quick about eating, and then she forced herself out of bed and accompanied Tanith to one of the terrace gardens that surrounded the towering walls of the palace at Daybreak. Its original inhabitants had been pegasi, which explained the architecture. Radiant Dawn was just glad they'd constructed the sky-scraping edifice out of stone instead of cloud, and thought to include stairways, or else her earth pony and unicorn staff would have some problems.

She and Tanith turned a corner, and there beneath a wisteria tree sat Ironclad—and Princess Celestia.

Radiant Dawn did a bit of a double-take. "Your Highness," she said with a bow. "I wasn't expecting you—I'm sorry."

Celestia nodded in return. "No need to apologize, Radiant Dawn," she said. Her eyes were warm and loving as always, but there was worry in her face. "Prince Ironclad and Lady Tanith asked me to pay you a visit. They say you have been experiencing some lingering anxiety from the Pelopponysus incident."

Ears drooping, Radiant Dawn went to sit next to her husband. "I'm sorry," she choked. "I don't know why it's affecting me so badly. I know a princess needs to be strong…"

"Sensitivity and weakness are not the same thing," Celestia said. "Everypony has something that greatly upsets them. You are so selfless and caring, Radiant Dawn. I can see how it would hurt your heart to have that returned with hatred and malice. And, frankly, I would be more surprised if you had gone through that challenge without being upset by it. It was an upsetting thing. I can tell you that I was quite distraught when I learned about it."

Radiant Dawn offered her a sheepish half-smile. "It's hard to imagine you being upset by anything," she admitted.

"I think any pony in their right mind would be mortified by the actions of Eclipse and her followers," Celestia said. "And… there are things that keep me up at night, too." She closed her eyes. "Sometimes I still have nightmares about banishing my sister."

"Oh… I'm so sorry," Radiant Dawn said. "I wish I could do something to help."

"These are heavy burdens we must bear," Celestia said. "They are our greatest trials. But I can tell you that you have done exactly the right thing with yours, Radiant Dawn. You have turned it into a resolve to be more caring, more loving, and to keep letting your valor shine through. And it will be made up to you someday. I am not sure when or how, but all will be made right for us. My heart is telling me so."

"Thank you," Radiant Dawn said. "That does make me feel a little better."

Celestia smiled. "Good. Until then, don't let the pain overtake you. Focus on the good. Your husband and your friends love you and would do anything for you. You are in a safe place now."

Radiant Dawn's face fell. "But… what if something happens again?" she asked quietly.

The other alicorn looked at her for a moment, her multi-colored hair slowly rolling in waves in the dappled shadow of the wisteria tree. "I have been discussing that possibility with Prince Ironclad and Lady Tanith," she said, "and we have decided that it is in your best interests that we seal off Daybreak from the rest of Equestria."

"What?" Radiant Dawn's eyes narrowed as she looked at her husband and friend, more confused than anything else.

"It was my idea," Ironclad confessed. "As much as I'd like to think I'm invincible—well, I'm not. I couldn't think of any better way to keep you safe, Ray."

His wife looked back to Celestia. "But what if you need my help?" the blue alicorn asked. "I'm a princess—it's my duty to defend Equestria from evil."

"Then I relinquish you from that duty," Celestia said. "Not because I think you would fail, but because I worry about you taking on too much. There are certain things that Princess Cadance and I are not as sensitive about. I could not live with piling more anxiety on such a gentle soul as yours, Radiant Dawn."

Radiant Dawn's eyes filled with tears. As much as what Celestia was saying made sense, she still felt bad having to give up her duty as a defender of Equestria. "But you could need my help someday," she said. "I would feel horrible if something happened because I was not there to fight alongside you and Cadance."

"I know," Celestia sighed. "You have more than proved your worth as a warrior. But you also have to take care of yourself. Daybreak needs you. Your husband needs you."

Radiant Dawn pawed the grass with one hoof and bit her lip. "I'll agree to you sealing off Daybreak," she said, "on one condition. If something ever happens to Equestria that you and Cadance can't handle, you have to let me help." She frowned. "I'm not going to sit idly here and let the rest of Equestria fall to ruin."

Celestia smiled. "Of course you wouldn't. But I am going to do everything in my power to ensure you are never caught in a situation like Eclipse's coup again. I have the feeling that you and I and Cadance will not be the only alicorns forever, if that is any reassurance."

"I'll agree to this," Ironclad said, "if I get to fight by my wife's side if it comes down to that. She'll never have to fight alone."

"Sssame here," Tanith said.

"I wouldn't dream of trying to stop you," Celestia said. She stood up and spread her wings. "So, this is how it will work. I can cast a spell that will veil Daybreak from the minds of ponies outside of it. They will no longer remember it. Anyone who leaves Daybreak will have memories of the kingdom and its princess fade from their minds as well. With exceptions such as family members," she said to Ironclad, who had looked somewhat worried, "and trusted friends." She turned to Tanith, who folded her arms and nodded. "But among those ponies who keep their memories, Daybreak will have to remain a closely guarded secret. So be careful that not too many ponies know."

"We will," Ironclad said.

"That sounds good," Radiant Dawn said. "My subjects will still be able to leave Daybreak to spread happiness, won't they?"

"Of course," Celestia said. "That is the vital purpose of your kingdom. But ponies who leave will not be able to remember where they came from as they go out and start new lives elsewhere."

"Wait—but what about all the ponies they're leaving behind?" Radiant Dawn asked. "Their friends and family… will they forget about them?"

Celestia paused. "I… am not sure how to solve that problem."

The younger alicorn thought for a second, looking over at her husband and lamia friend. "I have an idea," she said. "What if we altered the spell, just a little? Make it so that ponies who leave Daybreak remember their family and friends, and know how to get back, but can't remember that Daybreak exists, or that I am its princess? And—they remember how to get home, but not what home is, exactly?"

"Ah, a bit of navigational magic," Celestia said with a smile. "Clever. I like it. Let's do that."

"And that knowledge should be passed down to their descendants," Ironclad said. "Family is family."

Celestia looked over at the prince. "This is true," she said with a bit of wistfulness. "All right, then. Anyone descended from a Daybreak pony will be able to remember the way to Daybreak. That may come in handy later, at any rate." She stepped out into the sunshine. "Radiant Dawn, will you help me cast the spell?"

The other alicorn spread her wings. "Of course, Your Highness," she said. "Just show me what to do."

"Follow me," Celestia said. With a powerful downstroke, she leaped into the air.

Radiant Dawn followed her, and the two princesses spiraled around the palace, rising up to its tallest spires. Their horns glowed with magic, and when they reached the very pinnacle of the highest point of the castle, they tilted their heads back and released their power. It gushed through the sky like a canopy of light, streaming down into the wooded mountains that surrounded the little kingdom. When it stopped, the two glided back down to the terrace.

Radiant Dawn stumbled a bit from the exertion as she landed, and her husband caught her and put a wing around her to steady her. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She nodded. "Just tired." The two looked up at the sun-alicorn before them. "Thank you, Celestia," Radiant Dawn said. "I… I hope this helps."

"It will," Celestia said. "Now rest, Radiant Dawn. Enjoy the happy life you have earned. Let your family's love and your subjects' happiness heal you."

"Someday," Radiant Dawn said, "maybe I'll be strong enough to help you again."

Celestia gave her a long look. "You are strong," she said. "Don't push yourself. Equestria needs you just the way you are—even if it can't know you exist. Defending it from forces that would destroy it is important, but so is the day-to-day work of seeing to its happiness. Which you happen to excel at." She smiled. "So I will entrust you with that very important responsibility."

"And I'll do my best to fulfill it," Radiant Dawn said, smiling as well.

"And," Ironclad said, "I'll fulfill my duty to be the best husband I can be to you. So how about we go out for dinner tonight? Your favorite restaurant, or should we try something new?"

Radiant Dawn wrapped him in a hug. "I could go for some comfort food," she said with a relieved laugh. "But let's try out a new place tomorrow. Thank you, Ironclad. You're the best husband ever. And Tanith—thanks for staying." She reached out to the lamia with one hoof.

Tanith gave it an affectionate squeeze. "I ssstill plan on returning to the other lamiae sssomeday," she said, "but I'm going to make good and sure I underssstand happinessss firssst. I mussst alssso massster my knowledge of donutsss."

Celestia chuckled. "Well, I think I'm leaving you in capable hooves, Radiant Dawn," she said.

"You are," Radiant Dawn said. "Thank you. For everything. I'm sorry if this means I'll be missing out on important politics."

"I think we can manage without you," Celestia said with a grin. "I wouldn't wish politics on anypony, frankly."

"Ah, good point," Radiant Dawn said. "Would you like to join us for a board game, Your Highness?"

Celestia paused. "You know what, I would love to," she said.

The other alicorn grinned. "Great, because we just bought a new one that I think you'll enjoy! It's about griffons and it involves a lot of strategy," she said as the four headed inside. "Tanith's very good at it, but Ironclad and I are catching on. We always team up against her."

She was feeling better already. Some hurts were deep, she realized, and would not heal so easily. But they would heal—she was assured of that. It would take time, and love, but now she had both those things in abundance.

And if Equestria ever did need her, she would be ready to fight for it.


End file.
